Posts Tagged ‘problems’
What you hear real music? Dr. James Jones suggests that listening is not true advise, inform or try to solve problems. Listening is just to hear what you have to say troubled teens. Parents often have a teenager with feedback comments are advisory to respond or not to accept in any way. These responses are similar ‘or close the conversation and does not promote further dialogue.
closed responses also “discount” from the other person.
open answers are much more productive way of communicating with a rebellious adolescent. These responses are not judgmental, and I do not suggestions or solutions. The answer is simply to accept what is said. These responses reflect both the content and the feelings of the child is in your project as a parent.
Set in the book to let children by Dr. James Jones, he gives an example of parent response closed and an example response of parents open.
Closed-parent reaction
Teenager:
My science teacher gave me a “C” on the science project. I can not believe it!
Parent:
First I told you to type, but you’ll never listen to you?
2nd Do not complain, we get what we deserved.
The third teacher is not unjust, what do you spoil this moment?
They are called “closed responses” because they fight effectively close communication between parents and adolescents. They are usually “put down” in the form of advice or criticism.
Open responses from parents
Teenager: I can not believe Mr. Green gave me a “C” on my science project after weeks on stupidity.
Parent: I think you’re very disappointed (feelings) only the opportunity to make a “C” with a lot of work. (Summary)
Teenager: In addition, he gave Don “A” because he had planned to Mr. Green suggested.
Parent: I right? You feel angry (feelings) because Mr. Green is unfair. (Summary)
Teenager: You should feel better! Anyway, I learned much of my project, it was really hard!
Parent: So, despite the disappointment (feelings) level, you’ll be happy (feeling) you put your project difficult? “(Content)
Teenager: Yeah! , I think I am, but I thought I would be an “A” for sure. Hey … What to eat?
Hark!
* When a troubled teenager asks you to listen and start giving advice, you have not done what they asked.
* If a teenager fight you to listen, and you start to tell him why he should not feel that way, you trample on his feelings.
* When a rebellious adolescent asks you to listen and you feel that something will not solve his problem, you must drop it, may seem strange.
* Listen! You hear that your teenager has asked, do not speak or simply listen.
* Advice is cheap, you can be the same Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the newspaper.
* Your teen may act for themselves. It is not defenseless. Maybe discouraged and frustrated, but not defenseless.
* If you do something for your teenager that he can do for you, you are contributing to his fear and weakness.
* But if you accept that the mere fact that your teen feels what he feels, whatever irrational, then you can stop trying to convince and understand about the company, was behind this irrational feeling . And if this is clear, the answers are clear and will not rely on consulting.
* So please listen and hear your teenager difficulties. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and he’ll listen.
